Justin Li

Morning Conveniences


I think someone took a crap outside our dorm last night.

I woke up at 5:30 to hear raised voices coming from outside my window. I looked out to see a police car, and I could hear a guy and girl arguing. At first I thought it was simply trespassing, as they kept telling the guy that it's private property. But if it's outside the dorm, it's not like the pavement belongs to Northwestern.

Then I heard something about "private parts", and I wondered if the girl was flashed. The guy's voice wasn't very clear, so it's hard for me to hear how he defended himself. That would probably have made things a lot clearer. I didn't get anything specific at all, but at some point later in the conversation I heard that he was behind the bushes, and the girl was saying he'll have to "pick his shit up." My only conclusion was that she meant that literally, which is why there was such a hassle.

I'm disgusted as well, but listening to it from the warmth of my dorm room was kind of fun.